All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
