my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
