It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize