Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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