Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
