So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
