I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
