It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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