We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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