Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
