wrigley field is MILF paradise
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
