Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
