I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
