o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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