Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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