Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
