We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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