Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
