He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!