So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.