I think I died a long time ago.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
