So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
