i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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