HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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