I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
