Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
