dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
