I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
