I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
