Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
