Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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