Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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