I'm jealous of your bromance
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
