I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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