Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
