"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
