TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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