After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
