Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
