You can't special order awesome
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
