If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
