hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
