I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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