So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
