Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
