You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
