We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
