3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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