Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
