We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
