I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
