I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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