he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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