i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
