god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
