so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
