Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
