he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
