I'm going to jail i love you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
