I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
