I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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