i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
