as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
