the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
