I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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