By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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