Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
