She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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