She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
