i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
